By CRISTINA JANNEY
Hays Post
Kady Stevens remembers when she first entered Oxford House.
Struggling with alcohol and drugs, she slept outside of a women's Oxford House in Hays the night before she was set to interview to become a member.
At that point, she said meth had taken her life away.
Members of the house who had worked overnight shifts stayed up to give her an interview on a Monday morning. She felt grateful.
Although she had bumps along the way, Stevens will celebrate her fourth year sober on Feb. 27. She is now an alumna helping other women establish a new Oxford House for women in Hays.
This new Oxford House is for women and is the first in Hays to include housing for women with children.
The Midnight Oxford House, on MacArthur Road in Hays, can accommodate eight women and has two rooms for women with children.
The first Oxford House in the country opened in 1975. Hays has six Oxford Houses. Midnight is the second women's house in Hays.
All Oxford House members agree to stay clean, said Stevens, who is an outreach coordinator for the Friends of Recovery Association and is living in the Midnight Oxford House to assist the house getting off the ground.
Members are encouraged to participate in some type of recovery program, which could include programs such as Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, Celebrate Recovery or a church-sponsored sobriety program.
Members often go to meetings together, Stevens said. They also celebrate members' sobriety milestones together.
"If someone is getting their 30-day tag or their 60-day tag, we'll try to go as a house and make it a unity event," she said.
Eighty percent of Oxford House members retain long-term sobriety, according to information provided by Oxford House.
Stevens said having stable housing is the bedrock for staying sober.
About 23% of members entering Oxford Houses were staying with family before becoming members, and another 17% were homeless. Only about a third of members were living independently before entering a house, according to Oxford House Inc.
"If you are worrying about where you're going to sleep, that takes a lot of effort and a lot of energy," Stevens said. "If you have a safe place to come home to every day, your focus can be on so many other things—finding a job, working that job, working the program of recovery."
Stevens said when she was in the throes of her addiction, she was living at someone else's house and had no possessions to her name.
"When you are living every day trying to find out where you're going to live, you don't have time to think of anything else," she said. "By providing a safe place for people to come home to and be supported and surrounded by other people doing the same thing, it pushes you in a strong direction of doing better."
Oxford houses are self-governed and self-supported financially.
Stevens said living in an Oxford House helped her in her recovery journey.
"Living in the home helps teach responsibility back into our lives and different things we've lost through addiction like not paying bills or not keeping up on our house—some of those you let go of when you're in addiction," she said.
The house members meet weekly to make rules and vote on issues involving the house. Oxford Houses also have chapter meetings, where the leaders of each area's houses come together.
All of the members in the houses have chores. They pay what they call equal expense shares, which are the expenses of the home divided among the members of the home.
Houses get start-up loans. Those can come from other Oxford Houses or the state association. Those funds are paid back through monthly payments.
Stevens initially struggled with her sobriety and left the house in Hays. After a stint in treatment, she began again at an Oxford House in Topeka. Since her treatment, she has remained clean, and she gives some of the credit for her success to Oxford House.
She went to a chapter meeting on her first day at the house in Topeka.
"I got involved in fundraising and could just see the sense of purpose that being involved in something like this was doing for other people, and I wanted that too," she said.
In 2021, Stevens moved back to Hays to be closer to family and interviewed and was accepted to live in a women's Oxford house in Hays again.
Stevens said living in an Oxford House provides a sense of community and support.
"You gain a whole family," she said. "I can't even begin to tell you the amount of people I have in my life today because of my involvement in Oxford House all across the state and other states."
She said living in Oxford House helps a person who has struggled with addiction learn to be a good human again and a good member of society.
"Living with other people working toward that same goal helps instill those principles back into your life," Stevens said.
The length of stay in an Oxford House varies. The likelihood of staying sober increases if you stay for at least 18 months, Stevens said.
Stevens' first stay in an Oxford House was in a house that only accepted women, no children. For her to work to regain custody of her children, she had to move out of the house.
"I was only in Oxford House as a member for a year, and then I had to move out. I wish I could have stayed longer," she said.
Stevens said she has found success in her sobriety by continuing to be involved as an alumna.
"I truly think I experienced addiction in the way that I did to be able to do what I do today and be a voice and show people that you can come out of it. Had I not experienced a lot of those things, I don't think I could connect to a lot of people the way that I do," she said. "Who am I if I haven't experienced it also?"
Stevens said she has found a purpose in helping others.
"I really enjoy seeing people come in. They come in so lost and confused. Sometimes, you get that person, and they're at the end of everything. They stick with it, and you can slowly see that light turn back on in their eyes, and that hope comes back," Stevens said.
The Midnight House has openings now.
To apply for any Oxford House online at oxfordvacancies.com. You can search by location anywhere in the United States. You can also call houses directly. Contact information is available on the website.
Everyone who enters a house goes through an interview process with the other house members. It takes an 80% approval of the current membership of an individual house to enter that house.
Oxford Houses can accept monetary donations, which go toward the operation of the houses. Furniture is accepted when new houses open.
You can learn more about donating to a house by calling that house. You can find contact information on the Oxford House website listed above.
Stevens said the Hays Oxford House chapter plans to open a new men's house by the end of March.
Most of the furnishings for the Midnight house were donated. The house received so many donations that some are being stored for the next house.