By STEVE GILLILAND
Exploring Kansas Outdoors
With all the political upheaval right now, and with candidates’ policies from both sides being tossed around like so much manure from the spreader, I just can’t seem to get past some of the more liberal ideas. One that particularly vexes me is the substitution of “politically correct” pronouns in place of words and phrases that have been used for generations, like “mom and dad,” many of which are even Biblical.
I’ve decided I better brush up on my “gender neutral” writing skills, and look at me, I couldn’t make it through the first paragraph without possibly offending someone. I really should have used the pronouns “human who carried and birthed me” and “human who provided the other half of the equation” in place of “mom and dad.” I’m concerned a restaurant “MENu” will soon become “a list of possible dishes for purchase,” Men at Work” signs will have to read “Male of the Human Species attempting to earn a living while leaning on a shovel.” And if you’re looking for an investment or to open a small business, my money would go into a sign company, as there are probably countless bathroom doors across this land in need of new signage.
And the great outdoors will not be immune to the new gender-neutral verbiage either, as every species on this earth comes with both sexes, if that’s still a thing. Some species won’t be affected much, as we usually don’t categorize them as one particular sex or the other when referring to them. For instance, fish are usually just fish, coyotes are usually just coyotes, bears are usually just bears, etc. References to some wildlife though will have to become gender-neutral. When referring to deer, elk and moose, bucks and bulls will have to be called “representatives of the species that grow antlers in the summer, lose them in winter and are tasty when made into summer sausage, jerky and tenderloins.” Does and cows will need to be referred to as “representatives of the species that grow no antlers, and often taste even better than the representatives that grow and lose antlers.” Neither will the terms “hen” and “rooster” be allowed when referring to pheasants. Roosters will possibly be known as “brightly-colored representative of the species that grow long tail feathers and taste yummy with a side of ranch.” Hens might be “dingy-colored representatives of the species that raise the young and are never spoken of when shot by mistake.” Although peacocks are rarely spoken of by gender, they are in fact peacocks and peahens. That won’t work for sure, so male peacocks will become known as “representatives of the species that grow big beautiful tailfeathers and roost above your car at night, making the expected mess.” Peahens will become “drab colored representatives of the species that raise the young and roost at night where they will also make the same mess on your car below.”
Now, I know these new gender-neutral animal and wildlife descriptions can get quite wordy, but anything to be politically correct and stay abreast of the new “woke “generation, and all you who know me know I’m all about political correctness. By the way, “woke” now means “alert to injustice in society, especially racism,” and no longer has anything to do with the old-fashioned description of getting up in the morning, when I’m the crankiest…Continue to Explore Kansas Outdoors.
Steve can be contacted by email at [email protected].