By CRISTINA JANNEY
Hays Post
Terri Braun was helping a family member move six years ago when a freak accident changed her life forever.
A Kansas storm was brewing on the horizon. The wind was picking up. As Braun, 47, walked down the sidewalk, a gust of wind caught a child's portable basketball goal. It slammed into her, knocked her unconscious, and caused permanent brain damage.
Out of deep darkness came hope and three books. The latest, "No More Patches," was released June 1.
The processing system in Braun's brain and her vestibular system, which controls spatial awareness, was damaged.
"I couldn't do daily living skills," she said. "It turned my life upside down. If it was a step forward or a step backward, it wouldn't have hit me. For whatever reason, that is what it was meant to be.
"I can say that accident has made my life better because I have learned to find happiness in the world around me and the little things instead of all the stress. You learn your circumstances are not as bad as they could be, you can rely on Him and He is always there."
Initially, after Braun's accident, she was on brain rest for 30 days. She slept 18 hours a day. She laid in a dark room alone to reduce outside stimulations so her brain could rest and heal.
"Most people don't like to be in their own head for an hour, and I had to be in my own head for 30 days," she said.
At the beginning of her 30 days of brain rest, her thoughts were positive. However, as time ticked by and she lay alone in the dark room, trapped with her thoughts, her thoughts turned dark.
"I began to feel very hopeless and very worthless," she said. "I watched myself spiral down. I became very depressed. I started to have panic attacks because I couldn't leave my house and because of the stimulation around me."
Her brain couldn't filter out stimulus. All sounds seemed to be at the same volume, and her brain gave them the same attention.
"The sound of the air conditioner was the same level as you because my brain didn't know what to attend to, so it attended to everything. I became very overstimulated," she said.
She couldn't go out in public. She eventually took short trips to restaurants with her family but couldn't stay long because of the noise.
Even getting dressed was exhausting and required her to sleep after.
"It's amazing how something as simple as cutting a cucumber — you don't realize how much concentration and cognitive ability [it takes] until you don't have it," she said.
Asking and accepting help was very difficult for Braun. She was a crisis manager at High Plains Mental Health Center before her accident and was accustomed to helping other people through crises and tragedy.
She couldn't be the mom she wanted to her two teenage sons.
"I could drive them to get a Snoball," she said. "I couldn't go to their events — to their track meets and stuff because it was too much at the time."
She said the most challenging thing she ever had to do was ask for help.
"It makes you feel stupid, for lack of a better word," she said. "You feel like you aren't worth anything because you're not the same person. The new Terri was not the same as the old Terri, and it still isn't.
"I have accepted there is a lot of good that can still come out of the new Terri that couldn't out of the old."
Braun is a devote Catholic, but she spiraled down until she said she hated God.
"I didn't really feel any love," she said, "because who could love a person who was so broken? ..."
"I said, 'Something has got to change because if I don't do something different, I'm going to lose myself. I'm going to lose my family. I'm going to lose my friends. I said, 'All right God, let's do this,'" she said.
She took small steps at first.
"I started doing the little things and random acts of kindness," she said. "It was something that I could do that didn't take a lot of effort, but it was something I felt so proud of. I made that person's day instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for myself."
She couldn't read because of her head injury, but she downloaded daily Bible readings and began listening and spending time with Him.
She found hope and forgiveness in the quiet. He was the light in the darkness.
She found love again in God.
Her first book came from spoken journal entries during this time.
Her first book was "Preparing your Heart for Christmas," which is a collection of Advent reflections.
The next book was "Good Morning Sunshine," which is inspirational reflections on 40 Bible verses to help heal and provide hope and strength.
"No More Patches" is about Braun's spiritual journey during her recovery.
It was published by Trilogy Christian Publishing, which is a subsidiary of TBN.
"It is about how we all have struggles in life," she said. "We struggle, and we wonder why, but if we open our heart to God, he can help us find ourselves.
"He can help us find our purpose, and He can help us find peace no matter what circumstances are out there or what we are struggling with."
It is for anyone struggling with anything in life, wondering why or feeling self-pity or feeling sorry for themselves, she said.
"It's an opportunity to grow and that is what this book is telling you. Your struggles are an opportunity to grow. It's an opportunity to better yourself," she said.
Braun has returned to work at the mental health center, working part-time as a recovery worker. She said her journey to darkness and back has made her more empathetic toward her clients.
"I know what they've been through," she said. "I know what it feels like to feel worthless and helpless, and there's no way out, and your world is dark."
She also still volunteers part-time at her church, and she can drive short distances.
Braun is still participating in therapies to recover from her injury. She still has to rest in the afternoon when she most struggles with cognition and complications from her injury. She is continuing to work on more books. She wishes her books offer hope to others.
The title of her current book came from a song titled "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North. The song talks about how we all become worn by life's struggles.
"I'm worn, and I put on patches to get through the day. I start breaking a little bit more and cracking a little bit more, so I put on more patches," she said. "With God, you don't get worn from the outside world. You don't have to have any more patches.
"The scars are going to be there because those are your triumphs over your struggles, but with Him, you don't have all those patches. ... As Christians, we are supposed to be that beacon of light for those people whose patches are worn."
"No More Patches" can be purchased through Amazon or any major book retailer.