By CRISTINA JANNEY
Hays Post
Ten-year-old Colt's father, Kenny, died in November.
Colt made a memory box last week in which he can store mementos of his time with his dad, including snapshots. He said he and his sister both loved their dad "Bam-bam's" long, gray beard. His sister liked to twirl it, Colt demonstrated in the air with a flick of his wrist.
The top of his box was covered with hunting and fishing stickers.
"He loved to fish with me," Colt said. "He caught some giant fish. He said he would go hunting with me, but we were never able to do that."
Last week, Colt and 15 other kids who had also lost loved ones gathered at the Hays Senior Center for the Healing Kids' Heart Retreat. The retreat is offered annually by the Center for Life Experience for children 7 to 12.
Colt's dad played football, he said as he stuck another sticker on his box's lid, so Colt uses his number 72 when he plays. Colt's a left guard.
Prominently in the middle of the box was a hot sauce sticker.
"He loved spicy stuff," he said. "He could eat a Carolina Reaper without breaking a sweat. When I had one little bit of it, I was dying."
He said the memory box is important, "so you can relive the brightest moments of your lost loved one."
Jeanna Wellbrock's older sons, Christian and Levi, now 17 and 15, have been attending the retreat for years, and their two younger daughters and their son, Lucas, 10, attended the camp this year. She said the camp has been a great help to her family.
The Wellbrocks lost their son, Matthew, five years ago when he was 3 in a tragic accident. He became trapped when a pickup truck tailgate collapsed on him.
Read related story: Matthew's Gift offers necessities for families during medical emergencies.
The two girls, Ann and Elizabeth, now 6, were only 9 months old when their brother died.
"For them, they don't know Matthew. They know of Matthew," Wellbrock said. "Whereas my older three boys lost Matthew, they lost something they don't know, but they know something's missing. ...
"Everything the girls know of Matthew, they have to ask someone to tell them. They don't have any memories of their own."
Wellbrock said the grief retreats have been a starting point to talk about Matthew and what happened. She hopes this will also give the girls the opportunity to ask more questions.
"In talking with other kids who have lost parents or somebody else, it just triggers that conversation a little bit more. The next week there will be a lot more questions that I didn't think about addressing or asking," she said. ...
"It's a way for me to gauge where my kiddos are and how they're handling things."
For Levi and Christian, the first year they attended the camp, learning they weren't alone was the biggest thing, Wellbrock said.
Josh Tanguay, mental health therapist and camp volunteer, said the event allows children to come together with other children who've lost loved ones and express themselves in whatever stage of grief they may be.
Tanguay said it's important for everyone to express grief, but children express grief differently than adults.
"A lot of the things we as adults assume they understand because we understand them as adults, they may not," he said. "It's good to have some activities to talk about these things and give them opportunities to express themselves."
In addition to the memory boxes, the children have made glitter-filled calm-down bottles, and released balloons with attached messages for their loved ones.
The retreats are not therapy, and not all children who lose a significant loved one need to be in therapy, Tanguay said.
"Just look out for any time if a child is struggling if they're acting notably different if they seem emotionally different or behaviorally different or socially different," Tanguay said. "Those are all things to be mindful of because it may indicate that child is having a hard time in some way and may not know how to express it."
Wellbrock said the retreats have helped her as a parent, because she's been able to meet other parents and build a network of support.
"Society doesn't like to be uncomfortable," she said. "Grief makes people feel uncomfortable, and they'd rather you be quiet and stuff it.
"I went to school to be a teacher, and educating people is something I have always done. I refuse to be quiet."
Wellbrock said she let's her kids know its OK to crash and burn and be angry.
"It's a place to visit, not a place to stay," she said. "You get back up. I will let you crash and burn, but I will not let you stay down."
The boys have been learning to express their grief in positive ways through the grief retreats, Wellbrock said.
"One of the best things that Josh [Tanguay] told them their first year is that you can be angry. You can punch a pillow. You can punch your bed, but anything you break, you are responsible for fixing when you're done," she said. "That really resonated with my older kids."
Despite the grief, she said she and the children still need to be accountable.
"I was not just Matthew's mom. I am also Christian, Levi, Lucas, Ann and Elizabeth's mom," she said. "That job didn't stop the day that Matthew died. I have a responsibility, and I cannot allow them to be crippled by the loss of their brother.
"It sounds horrible, but the world does not care that you lost your brother. There are people in the world who care, but the world as a whole does not care, so you are going to have to learn to function in the world."
Some days are tough, such as anniversaries and birthdays, but someday her kids are going to have to go to school or college or work despite those bad days, she said.
She says she hopes the children have learned from the retreats how to be better advocates for themselves when they are having those bad days.
"I tell everybody that it will never get easier,"she said. "I will not lie to someone who has lost their child and tell them it gets easier. It doesn't get easier. You get stronger."
After five years, the older boys run into volunteers from camp in the community, and Wellbrock said they know they have a whole community who supports them.
The event was also sponsored by Hays Senior Center, Hays Tees, City of Hays, Ellis County, United Way of Ellis County, Thirsty's Hays Memorial Chapel, Hospice at HaysMed Foundation and Gambino's.
If you wish to donate to Matthew's Gift, you can do so through the United Way of Ellis County's Wonder Women League. You can donate to Healing Kids' Heart Retreat though the Center for Life Experience.