I have shared before that resilience is the ability to cope with and recover from life’s difficulties. It is not something that naturally occurs but it is a skill that can be learned. As a parent, it is something that we should work on with our children at a very nearly age.
Children learn from watching adults, and watching parents cope with everyday stress in a calm and flexible manner will help them learn to respond in a positive way. Remember that children are also closely watching the negative way adults handle life’s challenges.
The following information on building resilience in children is from Michigan State University Extension. “The most important thing to build resiliency in a child’s life is a strong, secure attachment with a caring adult. It can be a parent, grandparent or other caregiver, as long as that relationship is reliable, loving and trustworthy. A child will thrive in many areas of development when they feel loved, understood and accepted, and building strong resiliency skills is no different. It is through these secure relationships that they can learn to regulate their feelings and thoughts”
MSU offers the following suggestions for building caring relationships.
- Play. This is a great way to connect with kids of all ages
- Comfort. This helps children feel they are not alone with their big feelings.
- Listen. This simple technique shows children that what they’re saying about their feelings is important.
- Show Empathy. This is seeing an issue or problem from another’s point of view. You, as the listener, do not have to agree. Just let the child know you understand how they feel. This makes it easier for them to try to understand others.
- Identify feelings. “You look frustrated/angry/mad/happy/sad.” This will help them socially identify how they are feeling and be able to use their words versus body parts to settle disputes, but also helps them realize other people have feelings too.
- Reduce TV time. Children under 2 years old should not be allowed any screen time. Children 2-4 years should watch less than 1 hour per day. Instead, read or go to the park.
- Read or tell stories. Books are a great way to read about characters that show compassion, kindness and understanding for others.
- Don’t rush to their rescue. Let them attempt to solve problems on their own when the outcome isn’t big and life-altering. When they are younger, let them have opportunities to problem-solve and make good choices, such as negotiating a turn on the swing or falling off their bike. As they get older, the decisions they make will involve driving and relationships that could result in more harsh consequences than when they were younger.
We know that all children will face challenges and it is important that we help them develop skills so they can handle those obstacles in life.
Berny Unruh is the Family and Community Wellness Agent for the Cottonwood Extension District. She can be reached at 785-628-9430 or at [email protected]