By CRISTINA JANNEY
Hays Post
Kayla Taylor was 33 weeks pregnant when she lost her son, Mason, two years ago in June 2021.
"We went to a scheduled ultrasound, and he didn't have a heartbeat," she said.
His umbilical cord had become knotted, and he died in utero. She said she had good support through the delivery of the baby, but no community support existed after she and her husband left the hospital.
She finally found comfort in an organization in Nebraska.
The lack of services in Western Kansas for grieving families inspired her to found Mason's Mourning Light Foundation, which assists families who face infertility or the loss of a child from conception through infancy.
"We support women who've had miscarriages, especially early miscarriages," she said. "A lot of time, people don't have any support. It's just a day off of work. It's something they have to completely internalize."
The group sends comfort packages to families. These items are hand-selected to meet the family's needs. If the child who died has older siblings, the basket will include age-appropriate care items for those children. The group also has a father-to-father support system.
Mason's Mourning Light will assist with the funding of memorial items. This could include a memory bear, a registered star in the child's name, an urn or a headstone.
Taylor and her husband had necklace charms made from Mason's footprints—something that Taylor continues to wear and cherish.
Taylor said as the group grows, she would like to be able to help families with medical bills and funeral expenses.
"So as you're working through this grief, you're not having all of these logistical things that make it harder," Taylor said.
The foundation does not offer grief support groups. The Center for Life Experience in Hays already has a grief support group for people who have lost children of all ages. She said she did not want to duplicate services that already existed.
Healing Hearts meets on the second Thursday of each month at 6:30 p.m. at the Center for Life Experience, 103 C East 27th, Hays. You can learn about this group on the Center for Life Experience website or Facebook page.
Once you've lost a child, you are not as you were before, Taylor said.
"It's like you say goodbye to your life and start over," she said.
Taylor said she and her husband had good support from their friends and family as well as their employers, but she still felt lonely.
"It still felt like we were the only ones who had ever experienced this," she said. "That was one of my goals—to show people that, unfortunately, it is way more common. I wanted to help people through that."
About one in four families have lost a child, Taylor said.
"That number may seem really far even though it's a really big percentage," she said. "But when you put a name—a kid's name or a mom's name or a dad's name to that 1 in 4, you really do get that sense of community. You get that this is not just you or just them. It is everywhere."
She said she wanted people to have a place where they could talk about their children. When she went back to work, her co-workers who had children avoided her. They were afraid of hurting her.
Taylor has two other children, a 4-year-old and Mason's younger sibling, who just turned 1.
Her most recent pregnancy was filled with anxiety, especially when she had to have sonograms. If the baby wasn't moving, she was filled with dread that the baby had suffered the same fate as Mason. Knowing other families who have lost children helped her, she said.
Taylor and her family continue to memorialize Mason. On what would have been Mason's first birthday, her family made comfort boxes and donated them to HaysMed for families dealing with stillbirths.
"I don't think there is an amount of time that doesn't make it hard," she said. "I think if I was 90, it would still hurt."
Taylor offered advice for family and friends who may be offering comfort to a father or mother who is grieving the loss of a child.
She said actions speak louder than words.
"We got a lot of 'Let me know what you need,'" she said. "When you're grieving, you have no idea what you need. You just feel horrible."
She suggested talking about the child and helping the parents keep the child's memory alive.
"A nurse came in when I was in the hospital. I was looking at pictures of Mason. The funeral home had already taken him. She asked to look at baby pictures. That made such a huge difference because she cared about my baby," she said.
You can learn more about Mason's Mourning Light through its Facebook page. The foundation can also be reached by phone at 785-365-9380 or by email at [email protected].
A form to request a comfort package is pinned to the top of the foundation's Facebook page. The foundation will be serving all of western Kansas—anyone who lives west of Salina. You can request a package for yourself or someone else.
The foundation will have a Hays Chamber ribbon cutting at noon Oct. 12 at the Hays Welcome Center.
The organization will accept monetary donations or you can choose an item from its Amazon wish list for its comfort packages at https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/7NNSZ4G2BVJR?ref_=wl_share.
The organization also will have a Bowling Bingo fundraiser from 2 to 4:30 p.m. at Centennial Lanes in Hays. The event will feature a silent auction, cash bar, prizes, a photo booth and bowling bingo contest.
Instead of a bingo number like B4, you might bowl with your left hand or bowl a split.
Individual tickets are $35. Corporate sponsors are $300.
Checks can be mailed to the foundation at 4320 Vine St., Unit 80, PMB 323, Hays, KS 67601.
"We want families to be able to live a happy, healthy life while still missing one of their kids or sometimes multiple kids," she said.
Cover photo courtesy of Pixabay.